Arguing Cause Peer Review Berkelman
  • do i ramble too much?

Kelly Wong: I think you did pretty well in typing with a flow.
Luke: I really thought the flow of the paper was nice, a few parts seemed short and choppy, but besides that rambling wasnt an issue.
~I didn't really seem an issue with rambling. The paper seemed to flow well. Jake

  • what parts do i need to work on?

Kelly Wong: Provide specific psychological problems and attempt to have support for it. Ex. A suicide of an actual prison inmate, or a survey of prison inmates and the psychological thoughts.
**Luke: Honestly i thought you were pretty thorough through your entire paper, but i also agree with Kelly! **
~I would suggest that you use more statistics. If you could find an actual number of prisoners that fell into into a semi-fatuous condition, it would be more compelling than "a considerable number." But this situation is understandable because of the quotation. Jake

* Does the argument answer the basic question: Why did this happen? What questions are you left with after reading the argument?

Kelly Wong: This happened because of the room size and confinement inmates are put in leading to many other problems than what they are convicted for. Simply said they are humans as well. No questions left.
Luke:I dont have any questions.
~The reason behind this question is very clear. It is stated in a manner that is easy to understand. Jake

* Does the writer establish that the problem exists and that we should care about it?

Kelly Wong: Yes, I like the way you brought on the background of where the idea started.
Luke: Yes you establish the problem by giving a lot of good information and facts
~Yes. The first paragraph clearly states why we should care about the problem.

* Does the writer genuinely address opposition? What additional opposing viewpoints could the writer address? Can you imagine other objections to the argument?

Kelly Wong: You should explain more on the humane aspect of it because many people will oppose your argument and state that it's because they are felons and guilty. Also keep in mind that some prisoners actually don't deserve that humane help because if he/she is convicted for things such as murder (attempted or did), molestation, etc. they aren't consider "human" in society.
Luke: Kelly hit the nail on the head
~Opposition is not exactly clearly stated. As Kelly stated, focusing more on the humane aspect would be beneficial to this argument. Jake

* What is the argument's greatest weakness? What would you recommend they revise before the next draft is due?

Kelly Wong: Make sure you meet the minimum length requirement and provide more linkages and emotional baggage for the readers to be engaged. Be sure that the importance of the causes of the situation is increasing as you continue to write.
Luke: I would maybe suggest to write a little more
~The argument seems to be a little on the short end. I would consider lengthening the paragraphs and adding more to the arguments. Jake

* What is the argument's greatest strength?

Kelly Wong: I favored the use of background information of where this situation all started and the flow of your work.
Luke: All of the facts you included
~The arguments are well chosen and precise. If they were expanded on a little bit this would turn into a very good argument. Jake

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