Peer Review Berkelman

Writers: Do you have any questions for your reviewers? If so, post them here:

  • Is there anything that I definitely need to change/fix?

You may want to consider blocking off the quote from Sullivan in the third paragraph. Not a big deal regarding the overall paragraph. JB
I didnt think you had anything you drastically needed to change. LB

Reviewers:

First: Please answer the writer's questions.^^

Then: Consider outside sources. Do they help support the writer's claims? Do the sources of support take over any portions of the writing and overwhelm the writer's voice?

I think they help support your claims. It is a good mix of your own words and support by sources. JB
I think they support your claim and help your argument. LB

Did the proposal anticipate and respond to all valid arguments (opposing viewpoints)? What additional counterarguments and/or concessions would be helpful?

I would consider adding a sentence after the counter argument statements. You say that both of them are unrealistic, but there is no really conceding there. JB
JB hit the nail on the head with this one^ i would really agree on the adding the sentence part. LB

Is the organization of the writing easy to follow?

It is organized well and easy to follow. JB
It was very easy to follow LB

What questions are raised in your mind after reading this proposal? Is anything missing?

I am satisfied with the information. JB
The information was very well LB

What were the most memorable pieces of text?

I liked how the introduction starts off with the startling fact of 23 hours a day in solitary confinement. JB
I thought the structure was done well LB

What is the writing's greatest weakness?

In the fifth paragraph, there is a quote that is a standalone sentence. I would consider revising that and working it into a sentence. Something as simple as adding a couple words just so it is not its own sentence. JB

What is the essay's greatest strength?

The solution makes sense, and it is easy to follow. JB
Your solution was well LB

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