Peer Review Kwong

Writers: Do you have any questions for your reviewers? If so, post them here:

Just a note: this solution proposal is only half finished in alittle over 1,000 words.

  • Are my transitions clear/flow with one another?
    • Alex: yes, they flow very well
    • Yes, your sentences and transitions flow pretty well. NW
    • Your transitions are pretty good, I could follow your points (Ariel Tix)
  • Do I write in view towards the audience?
    • Alex: Yes
    • Yes, very audience oriented. NW
    • Yes, its like a conversation which is great from a readers perspective. (Ariel Tix)
  • Other possible opposing questions to my topic or solution?
    • Alex: It looks like everything is covered rather well
    • I can't think of any… NW
    • I am not very familiar with this topic, but it looks like you are covering it well, you propose that the solution to the problem of glorifying an eating disorder is to educate the public (at least that's what I took out of it) I think that it sounds like a good option. (Ariel Tix)
  • Are my paragraphs too jumpy?
    • Alex: No
    • I don't think so. NW


First: Please answer the writer's questions.^^

Then: Consider outside sources. Do they help support the writer's claims? Do the sources of support take over any portions of the writing and overwhelm the writer's voice?

Alex: Your sources worked with your topic perfectly. No
* The outside sources you use provide good statistics and facts the help support your solution. NW
your sources are very helpful to your topic, and they are not overwhelming. (Ariel Tix)

Did the proposal anticipate and respond to all valid arguments (opposing viewpoints)? What additional counterarguments and/or concessions would be helpful?

Alex: Yes, I can't think of any
* I think your proposal responded nicely to your opposing views. NW
As you said, your essay is about half done, but in what you already have you respond well and say that an eating disorder is an actual disorder, and should not be somehtig people strive for. Are there other opposing view points? (Ariel Tix)

Is the organization of the writing easy to follow?

Alex: Yes
* Yes, I think so. NW
I think so far your organization is good, you present the problem, and give specifics to understand it, you offer a solution that appears to be viable. (Ariel Tix)

What questions are raised in your mind after reading this proposal? Is anything missing?

Alex: I am not left with any questions
* I don't have any questions. I think it's very thorough. NW

What were the most memorable pieces of text?

Alex: I like how well you cover the subject
* I like the paragraphs in the beginning and the end that talks about family and home being a safe haven. NW
I liked your intro, you set up your paper well, you begin with how society influences our perceptions of eating disorders and how the eating disorders should not be a "norm" or an ideal we strive for. I also really liked how you defined the disorders, that is helpful for the reader and gives the paper credibility. (Ariel Tix)

What is the writing's greatest weakness?

Alex: There were some grammatical mistakes
* I guess I don't notice any weakness. Some grammatical errors and typos but that's about it. NW
I didn't really see any other approaches there are to look at eating disorders, but maybe there aren't many, or you just haven' t covered that section yet. otherwise, it looks pretty great so far. (Ariel Tix)

What is the essay's greatest strength?

Alex: You have a strong essay
* It looks like you're going to be able to exceed the word count. You have a good base started. NW
I think your use of evidence and your voice is very strong in your essay so far. (Ariel Tix)

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