Solution Proposal Peer Review Emilie Brouse

◦Consider outside sources. Do they help support the writer's claims? Do the sources of support take over any portions of the writing and overwhelm the writer's voice?

  • There are some paragraphs that are huge quotes and then short summations of your viewpoint of the quote. Try to speak more of your opinion and let your voice be heard. These quotes do have a lot of good facts in them though and seem very appropriate. MH
  • I think the large quotes are good at times but you could possibly split them in half or summerize them because there isn't much of your own arguments or your own feeling in the large paragraphs. (JM)

◦Did the proposal anticipate and respond to all valid arguments (opposing viewpoints)? What additional counterarguments and/or concessions would be helpful?

  • You did a very good job describing all of the counterarguments and I think that you covered most of them. Maybe just spend a little more time addressing these arguments. MH
  • I think you did good at describing the arguments and counterarguments, i think you could expand on some of the issues to give the paper more information. (JM)

◦Is the organization of the writing easy to follow?

  • Maybe try and split up some paragraphs to make them shorter, other than that it is written very well. MH
  • The grammar is great but with the larger paragraphs its easy to get lost try and split them up into shorter ones with a focused idea for each one. (JM)

◦What questions are raised in your mind after reading this proposal? Is anything missing?

  • I'm just wondering if it would be possible to truly provide enough food in the world without CAFOs. MH
  • The only question that comes to mind is if you have actually seen them, talk about experiences if you have any. (JM)

◦What were the most memorable pieces of text?

  • The part where you address the possible environmental concerns and the situations the animals live in. MH
  • I like where you talked about how the new advancements aren't always a plus. (JM)

◦What is the writing's greatest weakness?

  • You may have to cite more sources within your text and possibly split up your paragraphs a little bit. MH
  • Your greatest weakness is that your paragraphs are too long in my mind otherwise its a good paper. (JM)

◦What is the essay's greatest strength?

  • You are very knowledgeable about the subject and have obviously put in a lot of research into it. Your effort truly shows in your writing. MH
  • I love this topic that you are talking about, all this information is literally spot on for the government financial aid of the big farms and none for the small farms. (JM)

Peer Review Feedback Reflection:

  • Did it help you re-vision your proposal? Yes!
  • If so, how? If not, why not? The feedback that I received from my class peers was helpful in my proposal revisions because they provided some awesome advice regarding sources cited, the draft's format, etc.
  • Did you incorporate any of these comments into your revision of your draft? Yes! I shortened the paragraphs as suggested and provided more of my own voice in the essay.
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