Solution Proposal Peer Review Adam Lorentz
  • Consider outside sources. Do they help support the writer's claims? Do the sources of support take over any portions of the writing and overwhelm the writer's voice?

Kayla: Yes they seem to, the writers voice is heard well throughout the paper
Carly: You do a good job describing the problem, you sources don't out do your own voice

  • Did the proposal anticipate and respond to all valid arguments (opposing viewpoints)? What additional counterarguments and/or concessions would be helpful?

Yes, arguments are good, but maybe add more to the conclusion stating exactly what needs to be changed/the argument & solution being proposed, Kind of loses reader at the end to what the actual solution is for this problem.
// Carly: I agree with Kayla, the argument is there, but you lost me with the solution part. I don't really know what your solution is//

  • Is the organization of the writing easy to follow?

Kayla: Organization is good didn't seem to jump around much, has a pretty good flow going.
Carly: Very easy to follow, good description of fracking

  • What questions are raised in your mind after reading this proposal? Is anything missing?

Kayla: Nothing really, it seems to have covered the topic well hitting many different areas, maybe add some detail to get more length, some paragraphs seem a little short.
Carly: The only question I have is…What is your solution? Other then that you did a good job!

  • What were the most memorable pieces of text?

Kayla: The real world examples, makes it easier to understand. Pretty clear and to the point writing which is good!

  • What is the writing's greatest weakness?

Kayla: Try to not use "environment" so much, the first two sentences specifically sound a little wordy. Also throughout the paper you have lots of repetition words (ex. hole in one paragraph) maybe try to reword. Also some commas are missing, maybe read through and add some.
Carly: You solution was lacking.

  • What is the essay's greatest strength?

Kayla: I really like how relateable you made it, the paragraph that gives real world examples was good!
Carly: You did a great job describing the problem. I didn't know what fracking was, but you did a great job explaining it

  • Does it help you re-vision your proposal?

Yes these helped and will benefit in the end.

  • If so, how? If not, why not?

Gave me good examples of what i should cut out and what kind of examples i could add.

  • Did you incorporate any of these comments into your revision of your draft?

Yes I did because after looking back I did use the word environment too much.

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