Solution Proposal Peer Review Alex Gerondale

Should I get rid of government taxing unhealthy foods?
Matraca: No, makes a good point

1) Consider outside sources. Do they help support the writer's claims? Do the sources of support take over any portions of the writing and overwhelm the writer's voice?
Matraca: You don't have any quotation marks at all in your paper, so personally I feel you don't have much support. I'd recommend less paraphrasing and more quoting; and if you did quote someone make sure you use quotation marks!
Bob: I Would have to say that you could just try and my it more personal and have more Fact it help support your clams.

2) Did the proposal anticipate and respond to all valid arguments (opposing viewpoints)? What additional counterarguments and/or concessions would be helpful?
Matraca: Yes, you did a great job bringing up your arguments along with counter arguments.
Bob: alex did a great job of see all the other view points in arguments, it was nice to see.

3) Is the organization of the writing easy to follow?
Matraca: At times it got a little off track and scrambled around, I'd recommend reading your paper again and reading it out loud to make sure everything flows and sounds the way you want it too. I'd also recommend someone reading it out loud to you, as weird as it sounds it is extremely helpful!! You will catch errors that you did not find while reading it by yourself.
Bob: To me it looked good you maybe went off track but you cleaned it right up. it was nice to see the paper as you wrote on about obesity.

4) What questions are raised in your mind after reading this proposal? Is anything missing?
Matraca: I left questions in bold on your essay.
Bob: it looks like you have it long enough but just maybe in some areas try to tighten up you loose ends.

5) What were the most memorable pieces of text?
Matraca: I honestly had a hard time focusing on the actual paper because of the organization and the grammatical errors I was correcting.
Bob: feel me i was never thinking about if it was a the line about it being a choose. If you wanted to be obese or not.

6) What is the writing's greatest weakness?
Matraca: Your greatest weakness is the grammatical issues, I tried to catch as many as I could. Make sure you never start a sentence with the following words: and, because, so, but, or such; it is informal and improper. It is also hard to tell when you are paraphrasing and when you aren't. It seems like some of the things that you paraphrased were directly from the source, so be careful not to plagiarize. If you are unsure use the direct quote and use quotation marks!
Bob: I would have to say just fix little errors that you have and with your sources make sure that we know when you paraphrased or not because we need to know if you are quoting or just speaking from your own knowledge.

7) What is the essay's greatest strength?
Matraca: Your greatest strength is the detail you have with each paragraph. You make a lot of great points! Very nice paper just correct your grammatical errors!!
Bob: I really liked the approach you took to the paper is was nice to see it looked at a little differently. Great job with all of you supporting materials. It was a great Paper to me

1)Does it help you re-vision your proposal?

Yes I love it when people are frank with my weakness in my paper, it allows me to evolve. So now I will definitely tune my paper up

2)If so, how? If not, why not?

Grammar and sentence structure has never been my strong suit, so having someone fix it up will help me know how to better structure my sentences in the future. Also I did let myself slip by not adding any quotes, plan to fix that.

3)Did you incorporate any of these comments into your revision of your draft?

First thing I will do is fix up my sentence and grammar errors, then I'll look back to my sources and incorporate quotes that I need to make my argument stronger. Also I should make sure my paraphrases are properly cited.

Note:Matraca did a fantastic job on reviewing my paper for grammar errors and pointing out things that I need to make my paper better. Heck if I weren't for her I wouldn't have even gotten half of what she picked out. If it is possible please give her extra credit on her professional work!

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