Solution Proposal Peer Review Bw

Do you find yourself to read the chart in my paper or skip over it?

  • I skipped over the chart. Maybe there is a way to reword what the main points of the chart are or points that you find the most interesting, and think your audience would be interested in knowing. - Jessica

Where can I expand on my paper?

  • Expand on why your solution is the more effective or best choice to solve this issue. -Jessica

Consider outside sources. Do they help support the writer's claims? Do the sources of support take over any portions of the writing and overwhelm the writer's voice?
Did the proposal anticipate and respond to all valid arguments (opposing viewpoints)? What additional counterarguments and/or concessions would be helpful?
Is the organization of the writing easy to follow?
What questions are raised in your mind after reading this proposal? Is anything missing?
What were the most memorable pieces of text?
What is the writing's greatest weakness?
What is the essay's greatest strength?


Jessica Dulz

I think that the comparison between the three groups in the paragraph below your chart was interesting and helped to support your claim greatly. In the beginning your voice is lost a little with all of the direct quotes, but nothing to worry about. Possibly just add a sentence to each paragraph that is your own opinion to break up everything that is not.
In the second to last paragraph where you address the other options other than being a vegetarian you should explain why your solution is better than all of those or more effective in solving the issue.
Yes the organization was easy to follow.
There is nothing else that I can think of that is missing from this.
The most memorable piece of this paper in my opinion was the paragraph under the chart that summed up what that was saying. very interesting.
Your intro paragraph is a little hard to follow and could be reworded to make the sentences flow together better.
The strength is the amount of information and source that you have that back up your cause and solution.

Olivia Knutson-

I read the chart and I found it very interesting. However, I can see how people would be overwhelmed and might skip over it. Maybe you could summarize it by saying something about how humans have more herbivore features than omnivore features, without getting excessively wordy. You could maybe expand a little in what the hazardous effects of consuming too much meat could be.

  • Sources definitely help. And do not take over your voice.
  • Yes, answered all counterarguments that I could think of.
  • Organized so that it was very easy to follow.
  • No questions came to my mind you covered all of the material nicely. I would say that in the second paragraph when you are discussing the the soil erosion and the ruining of land in the Amazon that I am not really sure if that is related to your topic. Or if it is try to tie it in a little better by giving examples of how the farming of animals is causing that erosion.
  • Most memorable piece was the chart even though many people might find it overwhelming and skip over it.
  • A possible weakness could be the irrelevant point about the soil erosion unless that is related than I would say that it being so loosely tied to the topic might be a weakness but that can be easily fixed with a few more facts or something.
  • Greatest strength that I saw was all the solid research you found to back up your claims. Also, the layout of the paper made it an interesting.

4/18/14
Feedback from my reviewers really helped. I wasn't sure if keeping the chart in my paper was a good idea, so getting some feedback on that was helpful. I am going to take both of their advice and take out the chart and just summarize the main points into a paragraph and then add the link so if people actually want to see the whole chart, then they can. I am also going to expand on my solution and state why I think my solution is the best compared to other solutions because I don't really cover that in my paper. Also, to my cause of the crisis paragraph, I am going to talk about hunting and how that is a cause. Jessica mentioned my first paragraph was a little hard to understand, so I reworded some sentences to make it sound more fluent. Lastly, I am thinking about adding more counter arguments to my vegetarian solution and counterarguments to my other solutions.

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