Solution Proposal Peer Review Jordan Starr
  1. Consider outside sources. Do they help support the writer's claims? Do the sources of support take over any portions of the writing and overwhelm the writer's voice? The outside sources that you are using are good, but the only problem is that when you are using these quotes from the outside sources need to not control but support what you are saying in your paper.
  2. Did the proposal anticipate and respond to all valid arguments (opposing viewpoints)? What additional counterarguments and/or concessions would be helpful? There is good information and its a good solution to what happened, there was not very much back story and also no opposing arguments.
  3. Is the organization of the writing easy to follow? yes, it was easy to understand just wasn't to much there for me.
  4. What questions are raised in your mind after reading this proposal? Is anything missing? When did all of this happen? what made her think about doing this like did people make fun of her or comment about how she should look like the models?
  5. What were the most memorable pieces of text? That she was able to make 17 magazine change the way they did things.
  6. What is the writing's greatest weakness? Needs more detail and back story to why this even came about.
  7. What is the essay's greatest strength? That it is very interesting and it applies to all girls at any age.

You also can add some back information on the different magazines to people who really have no idea about what any of this means can get some type of understanding of what the companies are doing.
Also when you are doing quotes you to not have to .(persons name). you just need to (persons name).
Luke Fox.

Luke pretty much covered everything I was going to talk about, including citing the sources. I would maybe copy and paste this into Word or something with grammar/ spell check because I noticed a few things with grammar.
Courtney Haas

Does it help you re-vision your proposal? It did help me.
If so, how? If not, why not? I realized I was missing a big part of the paper after I read what they said. They gave me ideas on how to make it longer because I haven't reached the number count yet.
Did you incorporate any of these comments into your revision of your draft? I am in the process of adding in some of what they said right now.

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