Solution Proposal Peer Review Luke Fox

Do you as the writer have any questions for your reviewers? If so, post them here:
Reviewers:
Consider outside sources. Do they help support the writer's claims? Do the sources of support take over any portions of the writing and overwhelm the writer's voice?
Did the proposal anticipate and respond to all valid arguments (opposing viewpoints)? What additional counterarguments and/or concessions would be helpful?
Is the organization of the writing easy to follow?
What questions are raised in your mind after reading this proposal? Is anything missing?
What were the most memorable pieces of text?
What is the writing's greatest weakness?
What is the essay's greatest strength?

  • I think you did a good job on never losing your opinion
  • When you are talking about percentages, try to stick with writing out the number or just putting the number in. (paragraph four)
  • I understand that the solution to this problem is more of an individual thing but maybe expand more on what kinds of food people could go to the grocery store and buy that is actually healthy for them. You talked about how canned fruit actually isn't good for you, so maybe tell readers what an alternative to that would be.
  • Also maybe talk about how if people don't have time to cook every night or have a sit down family dinner, they could maybe have a weekly lay out of what they want to make for dinner and then prepare it when they actually have time. Not sure if this will fit in your paper but just more ideas on how to solve the problem.
  • I would say the only weakness if the end. Try to end it with a little more power so that people actually want to change their eating habits. Other then that I think the paper is very strong and easy to follow.

-Jordan Starr

  • I think you used your sources well and they don't over power your own ideas
  • I agree with Jordan, explain why canned fruit isn't healthy and suggest foods that people can buy that are healthy and I like the idea for busy families that Jordan suggested
  • the organization seems like it flows well
  • I would copy and paste this into word or something with grammar check and stuff like that because I noticed a few grammar things and make people want to be healthier, almost scare them into it maybe?

-Courtney Haas

Does it help you re-vision your proposal? Yes
If so, how? If not, why not? The information and ideas that they gave me will help me be able to make sure my ideas are clear.
Did you incorporate any of these comments into your revision of your draft? Yes I will be using all of the things they provided for me.

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