Solution Proposal Peer Review Newhouse

Bob Kinne

1. Consider outside sources. Do they help support the writer's claims? Do the sources of support take over any portions of the writing and overwhelm the writer's voice?

i think that some of you citations can be fixed. try to put a introduction to you quotes or paraphrases and put " " around it if its a quote

  • They do help the claim. You do a very good job at taking in outside sources. MH

2. Did the proposal anticipate and respond to all valid arguments (opposing viewpoints)? What additional counterarguments and/or concessions would be helpful?

Yes it has responded to all the other arguments that i believe would be put out there. I think it looks good you just need to expand more on your paper

  • I don't see an extreme amount of counterarguments here, but I'm sure it's hard to find counterarguments against ending obesity, a few more concessions may help you if you can find some. MH

3. Is the organization of the writing easy to follow?

I think it is easy to read and it is coming long well but you need more to it.

  • Extremely easy to follow! This has fantastic flow to it. MH

4. What questions are raised in your mind after reading this proposal? Is anything missing?

where is the rest of it. like I said you just need to finish it. you need to fix some of the in text citations

  • Just more counterarguments. What about the prices of eating healthy? What if people don't have time to go to the gym? MH

5. What were the most memorable pieces of text?

//The most memorable part of the paper so far is the counterarguments that you showed us. It is good to have all of the other sides of the argument. //

  • I really like the different ideas that you have to end obesity and saying that there really is a problem. MH

6. What is the writing's greatest weakness?

I'm not sure what is your main point on the paper you have a lot of points but not a main one. i think the main point is stress?

  • Just some grammar and needs to be longer, other than that it looks good. MH

7. What is the essay's greatest strength?

i think the greatest strength is have good sources for you materials. you sentences look good to me

  • You know about your subject and you have done a really good job with the organization of this paper. MH
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