Solution Proposal Peer Review Olivia Knutson

I am not finished with my main point on the Mediterranean diet, however I am not sure I like where I have placed the introduction to my solution.

  • Consider outside sources. Do they help support the writer's claims? Do the sources of support take over any portions of the writing and overwhelm the writer's voice?
  • Did the proposal anticipate and respond to all valid arguments (opposing viewpoints)? What additional counterarguments and/or concessions would be helpful?
  • Is the organization of the writing easy to follow?
  • What questions are raised in your mind after reading this proposal? Is anything missing?
  • What were the most memorable pieces of text?
  • What is the writing's greatest weakness?
  • What is the essay's greatest strength?

Brittany Watschke:

You mentioned you didn't like where you introduced your solution, I would consider moving it to its own paragraph and really emphasize on it. Your use of outside sources, really helps back you up on your argument. The facts were interesting to me. In the first couple paragraphs you didn't cite the facts you used. I am having a tough time telling what is your words and what you are taking from your sources but otherwise your paper was easy to follow and transition from paragraph to paragraph. You had opposing arguments, but make it more clear that you are talking about counterarguments. You have a lot of little paragraphs, see if you could combine them together. In the last paragraph you combine a major issue with your conclusion, separate those two. The most memorable would be the facts. The greatness weakness would be citing. Make sure you cite all facts. The strength would be the length and your sources you used. The sources really helped make your argument!

Jessica Dulz

I think that your outside sources are very helpful to prove both your cause and your solution!
You did a great job addressing the other possible solutions and counter arguments to your solution, because you not only identified them but disproved them as well. I thought it was easy to follow. However, like Brittany said as well maybe you could combine some of the smaller paragraphs together. I didn't have any questions pop up while reading your paper. I really liked how you ended the first two paragraphs about the cure becoming the cause in the first, and fast track to heart disease in the second. I think your greatest strength is the research that you did on the topic and all the information you having backing up your claims. You really know what your talking about. I really could not identify a weakness! Great job!

  • Does it help you re-vision your proposal? Yes, the feed back did help quit a bit.
  • If so, how? If not, why not? I think it helped because I get stuck in a rut reading my own paper but having other people reed it gives you a new perspective.
  • Did you incorporate any of these comments into your revision of your draft? Yes, I did. I combined a few paragraphs as they suggested.
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