Solution Proposal Peer Review Rebecca Tuttle

Questions of my own:
What else can I add? I am missing around 800 words and I only have one paragraph missing but I don't want to be repetitive. Any suggestions?
Autumn: I know you're having a tough time finding solutions, but maybe choose some solutions that are unrealistic, list them and then explain why these solutions won't work. So think of some solutions that people might think could be a good idea but then explain why they wouldn't be a good idea. Then when you give your final solution it will make it sound all the better of a solution. Also really make a strong point about how spending more money on something healthier is worth it. Maybe try to come up with more support for that because some people might automatically get turned away from your idea once they hear it is going to cost more.

Does my title work with my paper?
Autumn: Yes, your title is eye catching!

  • Consider outside sources. Do they help support the writer's claims? Do the sources of support take over any portions of the writing and overwhelm the writer's voice?

Autumn: Your sources are good, the FDA is an important one and you use it with strong support for your paper.

  • Did the proposal anticipate and respond to all valid arguments (opposing viewpoints)? What additional counterarguments and/or concessions would be helpful?

Autumn: I think all your arguments are really good. You use a lot of examples from what bad additives have already been banned or if they haven't what they are doing to our food and drinks. You have strong support with your examples.

  • Is the organization of the writing easy to follow?

Autumn: Organization is good until the end, it got kind of jumpy. Try to make it flow a little better with your examples and then the solutions.

  • What questions are raised in your mind after reading this proposal? Is anything missing?

Autumn: Really make sure we know what your main solution is and what wouldn't work for solutions. Make your solution stand out and show that it's the best one.

  • What were the most memorable pieces of text?

to me was the kraft example just because I've always ate their macaroni. I think it's good when the audience can relate to examples because that helps them better understand the situation. Because it's something that I ate it made me really intrigued and wanting to continue to read until the end of your paper to see what you wanted to do to change this.- Autumn

  • What is the writing's greatest weakness?

Autumn: Be confident about your solution and show it's the best one!

  • What is the essay's greatest strength?

Autumn: Your examples were great, and you did a good job of picking common things to talk about that your audience can relate to. Your paper is coming along great!!! GOOD JOB!

Reviewed by Belinda Corniea

I think your title is good! Your sources are very good. You did an awesome job at including them in your paper and explaining them in your own words. The arguments in your paper are awesome. I think you have strong support with your examples. I agree with Autumn - The beginning and middle of your paper is organized well but towards the end it gets a little harder to follow. The most memorable piece of your paper would have to be when you talked about how M&M still uses harmful food colorings. I love chocolate and I eat a lot of M&Ms. I didn't know that there was harmful food coloring in them. I was curious to what other foods have harmful food coloring and what your proposal was going to be. Your paper's weakness would have to be the organization toward the end of your paper. It got a little hard to follow and figure out where you were trying to take things. Your paper's strength would be the examples. You did an awesome job with them and they make your paper strong.

Reflection of Peer Review:

Does it help you re-vision your proposal?
Yes. I love how we have a fresh set of eyes looking at our paper. Its nice for someone to read about something they know little about, and their take on it. When they can actually understand or have a higher amount of knowledge on the subject you know you are on the right track.
If so, how? If not, why not?
The feedback helped out huge. From both of my reviewers they said it got a little harder to read at the end so I can take that and change that so it is just as smooth as the beginning.
Did you incorporate any of these comments into your revision of your draft?
I will be changing the "flow" of things towards the end of my paper. Also I am going to incorporate some new solutions that I was reminded of in the feedback and their papers as well. Reading others paper gives you a better look as to what your paper is missing and the solution for that.

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