Solution Proposal Peer Review Sean Streier
  • Do you as the writer have any questions for your reviewers? If so, post them here:


  • Consider outside sources. Do they help support the writer's claims? Do the sources of support take over any portions of the writing and overwhelm the writer's voice?

Yes the writer definitely used plenty of sources to support argument. Though the sources did seem to take over argument a little so maybe slip in a bit of your own thoughts, not really much of a problem. (Alex Gerondale)

Matraca: Your sources help support you very well, I like that you brought in personal experience to make points. Your voice was very well evened out with supporting outside sources.

  • Did the proposal anticipate and respond to all valid arguments (opposing viewpoints)? What additional counterarguments and/or concessions would be helpful?

Definitely noted many of anticipated responses and valid arguments. Perhaps a counter argument on something to do with school programs. (Alex Gerondale)

Matraca: I feel your counter view points are very strong nice work!

  • Is the organization of the writing easy to follow?

For the most part yes, some sentences were a little choppy but they can be easily fixed. Plus get rid of yous and we. (Alex Gerondale)

Matraca: Organization was great! I like the flow of your entire paper.

  • What questions are raised in your mind after reading this proposal? Is anything missing?

One question is how you would get people behind this plan (Alex Gerondale)

Matraca: Questions left in bold on paper.

  • What is the writing's greatest weakness?

Used some phrases too many times, has we and yous, and some poor structured sentences

Matraca: Grammatical errors also try not to use second person, it sounds to demanding. Along with that the we's it sounds like your apart of it all, I tried to catch them and left suggestions in bold.

  • What is the essay's greatest strength?

The content of the writing, plus idea of taxing food to stop obesity. Also have many great quotes and sources

Matraca: I really enjoy your quotes and your sources seem very credible. The way your paper flowed together made it easy to read! Great job!

Does it help you re-vision your proposal?
Sean: Yes, it has given me some ideas that I can add to my proposal. Also, it will help fix some little errors in wording and what not.
If so, how? If not, why not?
Like stated above, it helps me see some more info to add, and there are some grammatical errors I need to fix.
Did you incorporate any of these comments into your revision of your draft?
I have not incorporated any of these changes yet. However, I also have not really worked on it since Wednesday. I will though add some revisions and change some things that were recomended.

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