Solutions Peer Review B E

Writers: Do you have any questions for your reviewers? If so, post them here:

Do all of the paragraphs flow together nicely? If not, which ones?

Noelle: I think the order and flow of the paragraphs is good, but I agree with Livia that the third paragraph could use some rearranging. Otherwise, it's great!

Reviewers:

First: Please answer the writer's questions.^^

Livia - Overall, your paragraphs seem to flow nicely. If I were to comment about something, it'd be the third paragraph. Just rearranging some of the sentences to first establish that the side-effects can cause serious harm to Minnesotans and its inhabitants.

Then: Consider outside sources. Do they help support the writer's claims? Do the sources of support take over any portions of the writing and overwhelm the writer's voice?

Livia - Your sources are very useful and effective, but I do agree that a few paragraphs seem to be overwhelming with the sources and not with your own voice. Particularly, the first few paragraphs.
Noelle: Your sources seem very resourceful, but maybe add more of your feedback/words around them for clarification.

Did the proposal anticipate and respond to all valid arguments (opposing viewpoints)? What additional counterarguments and/or concessions would be helpful?

Livia - I think you hit everything; you have opposing viewpoints that you argue against very effectively, so I think it's great
Noelle: You don't dance around other arguments. You address and refute them very effectively!

Is the organization of the writing easy to follow?

Livia - Overall, I think it's easy to follow. The first few paragraphs were a little hard to follow but I think it's because I don't have any knowledge on your topic.
Noelle: I think it has a good flow and order.

What questions are raised in your mind after reading this proposal? Is anything missing?

Livia - I think your proposal is spot on. You provide support for it and I think it's a great proposal.
Noelle: You thoroughly supported your proposal and I am left with no questions!

What were the most memorable pieces of text?

Livia - I really liked the last few paragraphs of your writing. I felt like I "heard" more of your voice because there wasn't so much information. Your inclusion of pictures also helped me visualize what you were saying.
Noelle: The pictures were a very helpful tool that not many writers utilize!

What is the writing's greatest weakness?

Livia - If anything, it's just the amount of information from your sources in your first few paragraphs. Maybe rephrase it differently or include some sort of personal aspect.
Noelle: Maybe the amount of sources and how your voice seems to get lost at times? Just be sure to add your own words and clarification with every source and you're golden.

What is the essay's greatest strength?

Livia - The essay's greatest strength is probably how it's worded and structured. It's a very well thought-out essay and honestly, I'm being nip-picky with the above comments because there's nothing glaringly "wrong" or "weak" about this essay.
Noelle: I would say the general flow and strength of this piece. It is very well-put and it makes it a strong piece of writing. Also, I believe the pictures truly help the reader get a grasp on your topic/issue!

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